We have chosen to continue putting off my impending surgery. Yes, it's a big risk, but something we feel ready to handle no matter what happens. We also found out that we're dealing with fertility issues on R's side...which makes our situation even more confusing. A typical male sperm count is 20 million/mL. R's first analysis was 300,000/mL and after a round of antibiotics, the 2nd result was 1.5 million/mL. About 2 weeks ago, we were told that short of IUI or IVF or "a miracle", we will not conceive chidlren on our own.
Sometimes I still feel as if God has abandoned me and betrayed me. I ponder whether God really has the power to heal our bodies and if He has the mercy to care. He didn't protect us from loss when we prayed and pleaded for Him to do so. I feel as if He hadn't even given Robert and I a chance before we were immediately transferred to the "ART" (Advanced Reproductive Technology) file. So many bad things can not be happening to us if God was watching out for us. I have such a mistaken perception of God, on these days.
