Poem from my Mom

My momma wrote this poem for R and I.....I've thought long and hard about sharing it, because it's such an intense poem, written with hours of intimate conversations and shared tears in mind. This poem describes the entirety of my feelings - written by someone who's never experienced infertility, but can clearly explain how I feel and why.


Through the Valley

In the beginning God created male and female;
He commanded them to be fruitful and multiply.
Why must we walk the road less traveled?
How can we be joyous without the next generation in our arms?
How do we accept Your plan for us that differs from creation?
How do we love a God that will not give us our heart’s desire?
Why should we read the Bible when we can not claim its blessings?
Why go to church when we’ve never heard a message about infertility?
Oh God, we are falling away.
Satan has us by our “Achilles Heel” and is pulling us away.

Help us to love You with no attachments, child or no child.
Help us to find peace with or without a child.
Help us to believe You are our loving heavenly Father, child or no child.
Help us to see the plan we were created for, child or no child.
Help us to be faithful to You with what You have given us or not given us.
Help us to have the peace that passes all understanding, child or no child.
Help us to have the grace that is sufficient in time of need, child or no child.
Help us to have our joy completely full, child or no child.
Help us to follow wherever You lead, even if it is the path of infertility.
Help us to be a light to those who must also take this path of infertility.
Help us to love the children that are in our lives.
Help us to love the parents that are in our lives.
Help us to let the bitterness go - that is eating our hearts.
Help us to fill our empty souls with Your spirit.
Help us to have compassion for the unfit parents that may come in our lives.

Oh, God, help us through this Valley of the Shadow of Death,
The Death of being someone’s mommy.
The Death of being someone’s daddy!

1-24-2010 cll
Written to my daughter and son-in-law

Mother's Day = Tears+Emotions

Mother's Day definitely hasn't been easy this year. It started out as the second hardest day of my life to date. I felt like crawling under the desk at work, instead I pushed all my feelings down as deep as possible and prayed for strength to "make it through one more minute". This song touched my heart today, and I wanted to share it. It's a tear-jerker, and I listened to it several times, letting go of all the tears I needed to and eventually resting in the peace that only He can give.